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Author Topic:   FAQ's ... well, sort of
harmless
Member
posted April 20, 2004 04:25 AM            
they are more of a tutorial, rather than an FAQ

1) what to do with TM mods once you download them:
http://www.tbhccs.com/treadmarks/faq/tm-mods-faq.html

2) general info, links, download, and usage of zip unzip programs:
http://www.tbhccs.com/treadmarks/faq/tm-zip-faq.html

may they prove useful.

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

harmless
Member
posted May 10, 2004 05:36 AM            
and, to be complete about this...

an FAQ on taking screenshots with the F12 key.

taking screenshots in treadmarks

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

[This message has been edited by harmless (edited June 12, 2004).]

IP:

harmless
Member
posted June 12, 2004 07:15 PM            
bump

IP:

harmless
Member
posted July 11, 2004 04:34 AM            
to keep it fresh on the list.

IP:

Teulk
Member
posted July 11, 2004 09:28 AM            
Thanks HArm! ....nothing like a refresher every once in a while...
May peace follow YOU---doggedly!!

IP:

harmless
Member
posted August 11, 2004 05:43 PM            
bumpity bump bump
30 days have passed :0
how time flies !

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

harmless
Member
posted September 13, 2004 05:36 AM            
wow... another 30 days...

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

Teulk
Member
posted September 16, 2004 10:00 PM            
Thanks again---needed to do it all over--the screen shot thingy anyway!!!


May dogs follow you---peacedly!!

IP:

harmless
Member
posted October 15, 2004 04:16 AM            
another 30 days have gone by...

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

Teulk
Member
posted October 15, 2004 08:00 AM            
How DILIGENT!!

IP:

harmless
Member
posted November 14, 2004 05:19 PM            
yup, another 30 days have passed.
to honor this tradition monthly, i'm going to post a humourous 'something'...

here goes number 1:

***********************************

All I wanted to say to you and yours was "Merry Christmas and Happy New
Year"... until I ran it past my lawyers, and this is what came back...

From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee"), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress,
non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice
not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

We wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically
uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar
year 2005, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other
cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age,
physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual
preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:
This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
1.This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be
made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor
are acknowledged.
2.This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement the
inferences contained in this correspondence.
3.This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the
restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain
geographical locations.
4.This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected
within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or
until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
5.The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of
this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor

**********************************

toodles,
harmless

IP:

Teulk
Member
posted November 14, 2004 05:28 PM            
NOTHING is ever simple any more, is it??!!

(Now I have to consult MY lawyers on a responsible response!!)--so much for a profit THIS month!!
LOL

[This message has been edited by Teulk (edited November 14, 2004).]

IP:

harmless
Member
posted December 12, 2004 05:33 PM            
2 days shy of 30 ... so another bump ...

this month's humor ...

toodles,
harmless

*******************************

Great Puns

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says,
"I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"..

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess- nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
"Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they
name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the
picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she
also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man,
this is so bad, it's good).....

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did!

IP:

harmless
Member
posted January 13, 2005 04:28 AM            
time again for the monthly humor story...

*************************

THE PRODIGAL SON (In the Key of F)

Francis the Foolish felt a filial fondness for his flawless, fastidious father, Ferdinand the Fourth. Following one February fortnight, Francis, feeling footloose and frisky, forced his fond father to fork over five hundred forty five farthings, then fled his father's fertile fief.

Fleeing to foreign fields, Francis finally frittered away his fortune on fickle females, firkins of foaming ale, freeloading friends, and feasting.

Fleeced by those fiendish fellows of the fleshpots, and facing fateful failure and famine, Francis finally found huimself flinging foul feed to the swine in a filthy farmyard as a forlorn farmhand. Footsore and famished, he fain would have filled his flaccid frame with filched food but found it fit for only a footman.

"Fie!" flared Francis, "My Father's flunkies fare far finer."

Fortunately the frazzled fugitive finally faced the facts. Frustrated from failure and fulfilled foreboding, he fled forthwith to his faraway family.

Falling fatigued at his father's feet, Francis feebly phrased his feelings: "Father," he fumbled, "I've flunked - and fruitlessly forfeited family favor....forgive me."

The far-sighted father, forestalling future family fissures flagged his flunkies. "Fetch a fatling from the flock and fix a feast for Francis. Forthwith. Fall to! Faster!"

Frederic the Feculent, Francis' feisty, fault-finding brother, frowned upon his father's forgiveness of Francis' former philandering.

"Flog the Flounder!" he fumed.

But the faithful felt that Francis' former foibles should be freely forgiven.

"Filial fidelity is what fathers are for, Frederick," said Ferdinand with feelings flowing. "Forsooth, the fugitive is found, so what forbids festivity? Fly the flags freely, amid fifes, fiddles and
fanfares...FLING A FEAST!"

Francis, face flushed, foreswore frippery forever more by faithfully forming a faith like Fathers.

- Fini -

*************************

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

harmless
Member
posted February 12, 2005 05:25 AM            
another 30 days... bumpity bump bump.

this month's humor...

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around the place.

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth and, to everyone's amazement, some how swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy "Did you see what your monkey did?" The guy says "No what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me" replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry, I'll pay for everything." The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his arse, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks. "No what?" replied the guy. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his arse, pulled it out and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

*****************

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

harmless
Member
posted March 12, 2005 05:20 AM            
jeepers, another 30 days. this month's humor:

******************

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

****************

How To Give a Dog a Pill

1) Wrap it in bacon.

****************

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

harmless
Member
posted April 14, 2005 01:59 AM            
another 30 days and ....

the sign of the times

*****************************

Septic Tank Truck sign reads: "We're #1 in the #2 business".

Sign over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

At a military hospital-door to colonoscopies: expedite your visit. Please back in."

On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Come in and pick your nose."

At a laundry shop: "How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

On a fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the electric company: "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."

In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral home:"Drive carefully. We'll wait.

At a propane filling station, "Tank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop: "Best place in town to take a leak"

******************

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

GoldAnt_Number1
Member
posted April 22, 2005 09:04 PM            
rofl harmless This is an old thread... still kickin, w00t

------------------
(: Can't forget those unside down smileys at the bottem can we (:

IP:

harmless
Member
posted May 22, 2005 05:23 AM            
another 30 days... another bump...

***********************************

Two rednecks walked into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talked about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table eating a sandwich, began coughing. After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress.

One of the rednecks looked at her and said, "Kin ya swallar?"
The woman shook her head "No."
"Kin ya breathe?"
The woman began to turn blue and shook her head "No."

One redneck then walked over to the woman, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman was so shocked that she had a violent spasm and the obstruction flew out of her mouth.

As she began to breathe again, the redneck walked slowly back to the bar.

His partner said, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hine Lick Maneuver' but I ain't never seed nobody do it!"

*****************************

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP:

harmless
Member
posted June 18, 2005 10:59 PM            
well, it's not quite 30 days, but here be another bump...

**********************

Did you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

and you thought I lacked De Gaulle to tell a story like this!

****************

toodles,
harmless

------------------
mikey,
may peace doggedly
follow you.

IP: